So here I am an adjudicator for a debate competition in Malaysia. I am having a great time. I've been having lots of fun here with my friends and I also meet a lot of new friends.

But my coming here also leaves something behind... yeah that's about what's left of my relationship with Dimas. So, I am saying it's over and I don't want to be in an open relationship with him anymore while he doesn't think it's over between us. Well, it's a good thing that I'm away and busy because the first and most important thing for a girl who's moving on is having something to keep her busy and away from the source of her pain.

In the weirdest way, I'm okay. I'm doing fine despite the hurt that I've been feeling.

So yeah, I want him to really show me that he does love me and I just want him to want me again... because I'm tired of being in this kind of situation. I deserve better. Much better.

tho' i still love him, i am getting myself ready for the worst possible outcome after this

http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"> name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"> name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12">

I should say that if you’re cynical about love, please don’t read any further into this entry.

Well, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and 3 months. This entry is totally dedicated to him. All this time, things weren’t always easy with us. This is actually the first relationship in which I feel totally loved for all the good and bad in me. He’s not the first guy I fell in love with but he’s the first guy that I feel totally comfortable with. He’s the one I could really be honest to. I am so deeply madly in love with him. And most importantly, he loves me just as much as I love him.

Remember those walls I built?
baby they’re tumbling down
They didn’t even put up a fight, they didn’t even make a sound
I found a way to let you in but I never really had a doubt
standing in a light of your halo, I got my angel now
I’m never gonna shut you out
everywhere I’m looking now, I’m surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo, you know you’re my saving grace
everything I need and more is written all over your face

(Halo – Beyonce)

Anyway, last night he asked me to list 25 things I love about him and 25 things I don’t like about him. So, here goes..

25 Things I don’t like about Dimas J. Hartadi, in random order of course…

-I’m not sure if I can complete this list, how could I think about things I don’t like about him now that there’s so much love I feel?-

1. There are times when I need him to show his attention for me but he doesn’t show it to me. When just a simple ‘how are you?’ over the phone would make my day.

2. He’s not punctual. Personally, I love being on time but he rarely shows up at the time I expect him to pick me up.

3. He leaves most if not all the planning to me, like where to eat, when to go, what to do. Well, it’s not his fault, it’s just that he’s not good with planning and I LOVE MAKING PLANS, I can’t live without my agenda because I always NEED to know what I’m gonna do on a certain day and when I don’t, I get a really bad mood.

4. Sometimes he jokes when I need to be serious. It’s kinda annoying.

5. He used to post about our problem on his facebook status. I really don’t need the whole world to know that we do have issues. I mean, who doesn’t??

6. We fight about little things.

7. When I’m mad about something he thinks it’s silly. Which would definitely make me even more upset.

One minute it’s love and suddenly it’s a battlefield
One word turns into a war, why is it the smallest thing that tears us down?
My world is nothing when you’re gone
I never want to start a war, you know I never want to hurt you
Don’t even know what we’re fighting for
Why does love always feel like a battlefield?
You better go and get your armor
can’t swallow our pride and neither of us want to raise that flag
if we can’t surrender then we’re both gonna lose what we have
Baby we don’t have to fight and I don’t want this love to feel like a battlefield

(Battlefield – Jordin Sparks)

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

25.

Well,,, it’s a mostly empty list. I can’t think about what I don’t like about him.. these are all I could come up with..,
I do realize that nobody’s perfect but he’s perfect FOR ME. Despite all the things I don’t like about him.

I’m in love with you
this ain’t the honeymoon, passed the infatuation phase
why don’t we think of love at times we get sick of love,
seems like we argue everyday
I know I misbehaved, and you made your mistakes
we both still got room to grow
tho love sometimes hurt, I still put you first and we’ll make this thing work
we’re just ordinary people, we don’t know which way to go
‘cuz we’re ordinary people, maybe we should take it slow
this ain’t a movie, no fairytale conclusion
it gets more confusing every day
sometimes it’s heaven sent and then we head back to hell again
we kiss then we make up all the way
Though it’s not a fantasy, I still want you to stay

(Ordinary People – John Legend)

25 Things I love about Dimas J. Hartadi in random order of course…

He is sensible and so incredible
and all my single friends are jealous
he says everything I need to hear
and it’s like I couldn’t ask for anything better
He call exactly when he says he would
he’s charming and endearing
and I’m comfortable

(that’s the way I loved you – Taylor Swift)

 

1. He’s in love with me

2. He endures my selfishness

3. He cooks. I have to say that there aren’t many guys who can cook yummy food. And I definitely enjoy it when we cook together, or when he cooks FOR me ;)

4. He calls me every night before we go to sleep

5. Somehow his voice calms me when I’m nervous or upset

6. His patience. I have to admit that I do realize I’m not the easiest person to be in love with or even be in a relationship with. I sometimes nag, clingy, overbearing, and selfish but somehow he made peace with those bad things about me. I just hope that I would be a better girlfriend for me

7. His honesty

8. He’s kind not only to me but also to my family and my best friends (he still has a right to not like some of my friends, I’m fine with it as long as he doesn’t tell me not to befriend them anymore)

9. He left his ex-girlfriend for me

10. He’s forgiving. He actually never stays mad at me for more than 12 hours

11. He supports me in whatever I attempt to do. Like some guys probably wouldn’t give a damn if their girlfriends were in Xanga Queen Contest, but he was actually excited that I joined.

12. He’s good with surprises on special occasions like birthdays or anniversary or just random when-he-feels-like-it surprises.

13. He plays ‘your call’ by Secondhand Serenade on his guitar just for me, and other songs.

‘cuz I was born to tell you I love you..
And I am torn to do what I have to
To make you mine, stay with me tonight
stripped and polished, I’m new, I’m fresh
I’m feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
‘cuz every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me will bring life into my deepest hopes
what’s your fantasy?

(your call by secondhand serenade)

14. He tells me where he’s at or where he’s going. I do like to know these things. It sure feels good to know that we’re a big part of our lover’s life.

15. I feel comfortable when I’m with him

16. He’s HOT. No, he’s REALLY HOT. And all that comes with his HOTNESS.

17. He’s Funny

18. He tells me I’m beautiful. It sounds so narcissistic of me, but whatever.

19. He loved me even when I was really FAT. When we started dating I weighed like 65 KGs, and there was a period when I weighed 70 KGs (I’m 5’). I never wanted to lose weight just because I want to be in the dating game. I wanted someone who could love me no matter how I look and make me feel pretty.
I have lost about 19KGs. I didn’t do it for him, I do it for me so I can be more healthy. If he’s happy about it, well it’s just one of the perks ;)

With you, I could let my hair down
I can say anything crazy
I know it gets me right before I hit the ground
with nothing but a t-shirt on
I’ve never felt so beautiful now that I’m with you

 

20. He does make me feel special. Not all the time, but it’s okay. I really have to learn to be more grateful

21. He will always try to be there for me when I SAY I need him. I gave up giving HINTS to him, seriously lots of girls expect their boyfriends to just know what they want but they can’t read our minds, and he told me. It’s not that they can’t understand us, they just think differently. So, there’s definitely no harm in saying exactly what we want.

22. He makes me happy in a lot different ways

23. I’m easily bored of basically anything. I never stayed in relationship for more than a few months but somehow our relationship still excites me even after three years, even if I already know everything about him and he gets predictable sometimes.

24. He intends to marry me. In a few years.

25. He can be both a boyfriend and a best friend.

This land is mine but I’ll let you rule,
I’ll let you navigate and demand,
just as long as you know this land is mine,
So find your home and settle in
I’m ready to let you in
just as long as you know this land is mine

(This land is mine – Dido)

 

My bestfriend casually dated this guy. They had fun. They liked each other. BUT his mother doesn't approve of her. So, what did the guy do? If you think the guy told his mother off and continue to casually date my best friend, you're so wrong. He did nothing but ignoring her. What pissed me even more is that the guy up to this moment never told my best friend what exactly had been going on to her face. She had to find out through his cousin.

Well, obviously she doesnt deserve him. However I'm sensing that she still wants to make it work. Honestly, I think it's such a waste of time. If he can't stand up to his mother now, he certainly wont in the future. Guys like that are just not worth keeping.